With friends like these
by phantom.ryder
Summary: ... then Natsuki doesn't need enemies. [Shiznat]Bored at breakfast one day, Nao decides to push the poor girl's buttons to finally drive her over the edge and into the acceptance of her feelings. Is she ready for the crazyness in store? Fluffy humour.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of characters used. All are licensed to their respective owners. I am not making any money through authorship of this fic.

--

Natsuki, Mikoto and Nao were all sitting in Mai and Mikoto's room waiting for their breakfast. Natsuki because she was invited, Mikoto because she lived there and Nao… because she was hungry and couldn't be bothered making anything herself.

"So what does everyone want?," the girl with strawberry blonde hair asked them while preparing possible ingredients in the small kitchenette. "I can make your lunches now too if anyone is interested."

"How about some chicken for Natsuki over here?," Nao suggested nonchalantly.

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?," Natsuki quickly retorted, she didn't have the reputation of being a hot-head for nothing.

"Now, now," said Mikoto with a giggle, giving the girls her best Reito impression.

"No now nows dammit!," the annoyed Natsuki replied. "Why exactly should I get the chicken?"

"Don't worry Natsuki, I like chicken," said Mikoto trying to comfort Natsuki and putting her order in at the same time.

"Why else? It's because you are a chicken of course," said Nao with a shrug.

'There's nothing like winding up this idiot in the morning,' she thought to herself with a smile. 'Makes for a very nice start to the day.'

Natsuki swatting her over the head with a rolled up newspaper quickly brought Nao out of her little reverie.

"Oww!!," the redhead whined as she rubbed the sore spot.

"That's it Nao! You can't just insult me like that and then sit there smiling like an idiot! We're taking this outside."

Surprising the other girls with her answer, Nao simply said…

"No."

"What?!," demanded Natsuki finding herself feeling insulted once again.

Nao sighed and picked up the newspaper that she'd just been attacked with and casually flicked through it's pages.

--

By now, Mai had stopped with her preparations and along with Mikoto, stared at the redhead before her.

'Just what is Nao up to?,' she wondered as she watched her next door neighbour effortlessly make Natsuki seethe with annoyance.

As if she knew Mai was curiously watching her, Nao smirked and added a bit more fuel to the fire.

"Anyway Natsuki, you're too much of a disappointment for me to have to drag myself up and out of here just to have a little spar with you."

"Spar? I'll kill you, you pretentious little twit! Who do you think you are speaking to me that way?!"

"Honestly Natsuki, I have no idea what Shizuru sees in you. Natsuki, Natsuki, Natsuki."

"Stop saying my name!," the irate girl said, shooting Nao daggers with her eyes.

The redhead was lucky Natsuki didn't have any actual daggers on her at the time otherwise, someone could have quite possibly been bleeding by now.

Mai covered her mouth in order to hide her smile.

'So that's what you're up to Nao. Well since my talking to her about Fujino-kaichou didn't actually work, let's see if your pissing her off does.'

Mai looked on, intrigued by Nao's technique.

"Or maybe I should say… saw in you? I mean, she's off at Fuka University now so, that's a whole new pool of people for her, maybe her fangirls have been given an upgrade? What do we think about that Natsuki?"

"What the hell are you blathering about? And I thought I told you to stop saying my name dammit!"

Nao gave an overly dramatic sigh.

Little Mikoto, who was incredibly hungry at this point went to grab a bag of popcorn. Sitting next to Mai, the two ate and watched as the Nao driven drama unfolded before them.

"Frankly, I feel really sorry for her," Nao continued. "Think I should write her a letter? Dear Fujino-kaichou, I'm very sorry to hear that you've fallen in love with a scaredy cat loser. I hope you let it go and find yourself a much more deserving fangirl to spend those lonely nights with."

"I'm not a cat!… I mean loser! I am neither a cat, nor a loser and I am not scared! And as for Shizuru, there is definitely no spending lonely nights with stupid fangirls!"

"Really? You sure about that? Well ok. But I still think you're a chicken and I'm sure she's found someone better than you by now, I mean… when was the last time she called you?"

Natsuki paused just to have a long, lingering and for the girl, rather annoying, thought.

'Why the hell hasn't she called me?'

As if she was able to read Natsuki's mind, Nao took the opportunity to push the girl to her just a little past her limit.

"Natsuki, if you're going to just stand there pouting like a child, let's just decide what we want to eat ok? Not like you're the type of girl who actually has the guts to go tell Shizuru that you don't want her shacking up with anyone else… and exactly why you feel that way."

"You think I can't tell her? Well I can! And fine I will!!! I'm gonna go march up to Shizuru right now and tell her!"

Natsuki was now 'speaking' in such a loud voice that it was a wonder that Shizuru hadn't heard her all the way from Fuka University.

The last thing the girl's in the room heard from Natsuki however, was a door slamming shut and the girl mumbling obscenities as she marched off to her motorcycle.

--

A minute after that, Nao, Mai and a popcorn covered Mikoto sat in silence. And about a second after that…they broke out into uncontrollable laughter.

"I can't believe you just did that to poor Natsuki! Nao that was evil!"

The redhead smirked.

"Well you know that girl, cute, hot headed and at times, pretty damn stupid."

"Think we pushed her too far this time?," Mai asked, still giggling.

"I hope so."

After sitting there and smirking a little more the two were interrupted by Mikoto.

"Has Natsuki gone off to do something important?"

"Only if you think professing her undying love is important!," Mai said with a grin.

"Do you think she'll cause a scene?," Mikoto asked.

"Of course!," said Nao, giving the girl a friendly pat on the head.

Mikoto sighed and waited for the two 'more mature' girls to catch on to her meaning.

"Hey wait!, what are we still doing here?," Mai finally asked, causing Mikoto to roll her eyes.

"To Fuka University!," yelled Nao just before the three breezed out the door.

--

Natsuki had just reached her destination, parked her bike, practically ripped off her helmet and grabbed the first person she saw on campus.

"You! Tell me where I can find Shizuru Fujino."

The girl swooned at the mention of the name and a few more fangirls appeared, sending Natsuki within an inch of her sanity.

"Hey! All of you! I don't know where the hell you came from but stop imagining her and just tell me where she is! If you don't do what I say, I'll make sure to make you all very, very sorry."

The girls around her just smiled sweetly, imagining that fields of golden flowers surrounded them and they were being held by none other that the University's new student council president.

'My God, even blatant threatening doesn't work. What the hell is wrong with everyone this morning?,' thought Natsuki before resorting to plan B. Which for her, stood for _B_ecause if I don't, someone will die by my hands in the next ten seconds.

"Alright look! If you all lead me to her, then you all get to see her too!."

The girls brightened up a little more than what Natsuki thought was humanly possible and dragged her off in the direction of the University's biggest lecture room.

--

Meanwhile her three friends arrived at the University albeit at a different entrance gate. Armed with a map of the campus and Shizuru's class schedule (Chie was indeed a very handy person to know), they went off in search of another dramatic episode starring Natsuki.

--

Upon reaching the lecture room, the fangirls who were by now in a Shizuru induced trance just pushed the doors open, found their target and collapsed at the sight of her.

"Uhh," the lecturer managed to get out. "Anyone care to explain?"

Natsuki then stepped over her fallen comrades and searched the room herself.

"Natsuki what are you doing here?," the lecturer asked.

"Hey, how did you know my… Midori? How did you get a job here?"

"Not the point, and I don't appreciate that tone of yours Kuga. What are you doing in my lecture?"

The six hundred people who were there for the said lecture, sat silently and asked Natsuki the same question with their eyes.

Natsuki looked at Midori, at the crowd then at her feet.

"I'm here to see Shizuru," she said, just loud enough for Midori to hear.

"Oooh! I see! Shizuru is it?," she yelled out with a giggle. "I've been waiting for this day Natsuki! Move a little to your right."

"Miss Fujino?!," a few obsessive fangirls cried. "She's here to steal our Shizuru away! Attack!"

Natsuki rolled her eyes and pulled some things out from her pockets.

"Aargh! She's got a gun! Retreat, retreat!"

Midori smacked Natsuki over the head.

"What the hell are you doing? They're annoying but you can kill them later. Sing this now."

"Si.. sing?"

Natsuki opened and closed her mouth several times with no real sound coming out before she went back to staring in disbelief.

"Of course! I told you I've been waiting for you! I've picked out the perfect song for you to sing. And look! Costume!!"

Midori threw Natsuki a stylishly worn denim jacket and urged her to put it on.

"Excellent! Now play the music!"

Just then the door burst open once more to reveal three puffing girls.

"Hey! Did we miss the drama?," Mai asked.

Natsuki stood there in stunned silence with her mouth hanging open.

"No it's just beginning!," said Midori, before adding in an irritated fashion, "Hey! I said play the music!"

"You have staff for this? You installed a karaoke machine in your lecture room just for me?," the biker asked. "How the hell can you have staff for this??"

Natsuki sighed looked up at the ceiling.

"Why does God hate me?"

Before she could contemplate blowing Midori's hidden karaoke machine to pieces, a familiar voice reached her ears.

"Natsuki, will you be singing… just for me?"

"Shizuru I… I…"

Mikoto passed out more popcorn.

"I love you…"

"I love you too, my Natsuki."

A few fangirls fainted at hearing their goddess profess her love, the rest of them promised to have their revenge…

The music finally started playing, causing Midori to clap her hands together in anticipation and Natsuki to cringe and wonder if it was too late to run away.

"Uptown girl? You want me to sing uptown girl?" 'Well, I've finally told Shizuru how I feel, she confirmed she felt the same way.. is this really necessary?'

"Natsuki… the music is playing, you don't want to miss your intro do you?," a rather excited sounding Midori said.

'Geez, the things people do for love.'

With a low growl, Natsuki took the mic that was being offered to her and opened her mouth to sing.

--

"Uptown girl 

_She's been living in her uptown world_

_I bet she never had a back street guy_

_I bet her mama never told her why_

_I'm gonna try for an uptown girl_

She's been living in her white bread world 

_As long as anyone with hot blood can_

_And now she's looking for a downtown man_

_That's what I am"_

--

Natsuki stared up at Shizuru and the girl's eyes caused her to sing her heart out. Her friends in the audience all sat on Midori's giant desk grinning before the lecturer pushed Mai and Nao off and handed them mics of their own.

"She needs back-up! Go!"

Mai, as could be expected, was incredibly ecstatic and jumped at the chance. Nao on the other hand, was a lot more reserved but did as she thought was right, at any rate she considered this little song sufficient payment for today's show at Natsuki's expense.

Shizuru stood up to get a better look at her beloved and Midori's 'Karaoke staff' shone a soft spotlight on her, along with Natsuki, Mai and Nao who were in ensemble formation at the front of the room.

--

_And when she knows what_

_She wants from her time_

_And when she wakes up_

_And makes up her mind_

_She'll see I'm not so tough_

_Just because_

_I'm in love with an uptown girl_

_You know I've seen her in her uptown world_

She's getting tired of her high class toys 

_And all her presents from her uptown boys _

_She's got a choice_

--

As the girls were singing to a blissful, teary-eyed Shizuru, the door flew open once more, resulting in Chie and Aoi falling in.

"Aww Crap! We missed the beginning!," said Chie as she immediately pulled out her phone to start filming.

A smiling Aoi joined Mikoto and Midori on the desk just before being briskly pushed off.

"Hey!," Aoi said, noticing Mikoto had also been pushed off with her.

Midori grinned.

"Yay! Dancers!," the slightly loopy lecturer said.

The girls shrugged, grinned back and assumed their dancing duties.

--

Uptown girl You know I can't afford to buy her pearls 

_But maybe someday when my ship comes in_

_She'll understand what kind of guy I've been_

_And then I'll win_

_And when she's walking_

_She's looking so fine_

_And when she's talking_

She'll say that she's mine 

_She'll see I'm not so tough_

_Just because_

_I'm in love with an uptown girl_

_You know I've seen her in her uptown world_

She's getting tired of her high class toys 

_And all her presents from her uptown boys_

_--_

"These girls never bother doing anything by halves do they?," asked a smiling Reito who was sitting a few rows away from Shizuru.

_--_

_Uptown girl_

_She's my uptown girl_

_You know I'm in love_

_With an uptown girl_

_My uptown girl_

_You know I'm in love_

_With an uptown girl_

_My uptown girl_

_You know I'm in love_

_With an uptown girl_

_My uptown girl…_

_--_

As Natsuki and her back-up singers and impromptu dancers finished up their act and the music started to fade out, Shizuru made her way through the students in the very full lecture room and down to her waiting Natsuki.

"My my my that was a…," whatever Shizuru's chosen teasing comment was to be, nobody ever had the chance to find out.

The adrenaline pumped Natsuki practically pounced on her and joined their eager lips together.

The sight of the many, many squealing fangirls (Natsuki had managed to earn herself a couple of hundred during the course of the song), caused Mai and her friends to decide to join together in a protective circle formation around the two preoccupied girls. Mai thought it was a good idea for them to act as a barrier against any fangirl attacks.

Chie and her cellphone, though part of the barrier faced the kissing girls instead of the crowd.

"This, is going to be excellent news! It's this year's greatest headliner in Fuka! A very public profession of love! With singing and dancing to boot," she said, as her own eyes teared up.

"Fuka Academy and Fuka University has never seen such beautiful union! Such drama! Such romance! Such… hey, wow you guys must have some really great lungs… don't you need to breathe? Natsuki? Shizuru? Guys? Hellooo?"

--

AN: Thanks very much for reading my very first Mai-hime fanfic!! Chaptered fic sequel to come if anyone is interested. If you enjoyed the read and have a minute to spare, please send over a review! All comments are appreciated. – Phantom.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: The Bonus Feature.

--

"Yukino!," a busty blonde called as she made quickly made her way through a crowded corridor… made all the more crowded by people mashing themselves and each other against the walls to try and get out of her way.

The shy looking girl with brown hair turned and tried to stifle a shining smile when she caught sight of her friend.

"Umm yes Haruka?," she asked the blonde who was bearing down on her.

"I heard there was a bit of a commotion in your history lecture this morning."

"Umm… yes Haruka."

"See! I knew it was a bad idea for us to be taking separate classes. It's the first class we haven't been in together and look what happens! That bubuzuke woman gets herself a girlfriend in that damn closet performance addict, Kuga! They planned it all!"

"I don't think it was quite like that Haruka…"

"They had back-up singers and dancers, they even brought along their own camera crew! It sounds rather intricately planned to me!"

"Well that isn't exactly right... The 'camera crew' was only Chie Harada with her cell phone camera."

"Hmph, well whoever it was I heard that she sold it to network, apparently they're expecting it to be on the news later on tonight."

"Oh, uh… ok," Yukino managed to get out.

Being hit with a statement like that… she really didn't have many other open options for replies.

--

_Meanwhile…_

Nao was lounging in Mai and Mikoto's room watching the older girl prepare food with the younger hovering around her.

"Hey, I wonder what those two are getting up to," Mai unexpectedly mused aloud.

"The love birds you mean? Or should I say the love chicken and that sly pussy cat that finally caught her?"

Mai rolled her eyes as Nao continued.

"If you really want to know what I think they're getting up to, I could tell you. I went out with a girl once…"

"Nao, do you enjoy keeping this air of moral ambiguity about you?"

"Huh?"

"Quit being a slut Yuuki," Natsuki said as let herself in.

"Ooooh lookie who it is," said the redhead.

"Natsuki! I didn't think we'd see you for a while, I thought Shizuru would at least… 

"Ahem…"

"Fujino-kaichou!, uh, welcome! To our room… which you are currently standing in…"

Nao grinned at the flustered Mai before turning her attention to Shizuru who was smiling politely… all the while being clearly attached to Natsuki.

"So Kaichou, you've brought our little Natsuki back already? And after all the trouble I…"

"After all that what you what?," asked Natsuki with her eyes narrowing.

"Nothing, nothing," the redhead said as she nonchalantly surveyed the current condition of her impeccable nails.

"Damn you Nao, what were you gonna say?," Natsuki adamantly demanded to know.

Mai, sensing trouble decided to step in before trouble decided to step all over the lot of them.

"Natsuki, really she didn't mean anything by that… actually what she meant to say was…"

"Absolutely nothing. Especially nothing about me winding you up on purpose because your Shizuru love pangs were annoying all your friends."

"What?!"

"Ok, nevermind. I'll just stand over here preparing food… trying not to get shot," said Mai, finishing her sentence for no one in particular.

Shizuru on the other hand was rather pleased about the current turn of events, or rather certain realisations that had just arised.

Wrapping her arm around Natsuki and moving impossibly closer to the girl, Shizuru shamelessly nuzzled at her prize.

"Natsuki had love pangs about me?"

"No I didn't! … Hey! Shizuurrru! Not in public…"

"Oh Kaichou you have no idea…"

"Mai! Don't join in!"

"My Natsuki is so cute when she blushes! Shall we go and find somewhere more private then?"

A wide-eyed Natsuki couldn't seem to decide whether to pale at the comment or turn a nice healthy shade of tomato red…

--

"Your Natsuki huh?," asked Nao, naturally ignoring the trouble her raven-haired friend was experiencing with her physical colouring. "Well that's good. I'm kind of relieved actually, now that someone has taken responsibility for her…"

"Nao!," both an angry Natsuki and a peace-keeping Mai yelled out.

Shizuru just continued with the nuzzling…

--

Nao stretched herself out on her back and feigned some sort of annoyance, with her smirk of course conveying a different sort of emotion all together.

"Man, why does everyone say my name like it's synonymous with 'shut up'?," she asked.

The other girls looked at her, with Natsuki looking borderline suspicious but mostly confused.

--

"How do you know what synonymous means?," she asked as she tried to inch closer… she didn't know when it would suddenly become necessary to lash out at the quick tongued redhead. Unfortunately for her the attempt at moving closer was foiled by her current attachment to a smiling Shizuru.

"I came across it one time when I was reading through one of Mai's big books," said Nao who was grinning as she kept an eye on the couple before her.

"May I ask what this big book was called?," asked Shizuru who was intrigued, showing no signs at all that she was happily keeping a struggling Natsuki at bay.

"Oh, uh. It was called 'Dictionary'."

All the people in the room suddenly had giant sweat drops appear on the back of their heads. Even Mikoto who was sneaking snack foods from the kitchen had to pause to throw odd looks at Nao.

Mai let out a nervous laugh that could in no way rival Natsuki's out loud release.

"Please don't tell me you actually mean _the_ dictionary," Natsuki said between fits of laughter.

--

"Yeah that and… shut up Kuga."

"Hey what were you doing with my dictionary?," Mai inquired.

"I wanted to find out the meaning of the word pusillanimous."

Again, the girls stared at her, this time a little more open-mouthed than before.

"What? I thought it was a good sounding word I mean, pussy spelt wrong then animous. So, I figured it was like animated..."

"Shut up Nao!," yelled Mai who had just pounced on Mikoto to cover the younger girl's ears.

"And don't make up words! Geez."

Shizuru cleared her throat.

"Well, actually, Miss Yuuki didn't just make up that word."

Natsuki sat down dejectedly.

"Please be kidding," she said. "Shizuru, really, I'm gonna need you to be kidding right now."

--

Nao smirked and pointed at the girl.

"See! God Natsuki you really need to work on your vocabulary."

Mai wandered off to see if she could find the offending word in the book, a feat that was made all the more difficult by the fact that her hands were still attached to Mikoto's head. 

"The word is actually an adjective used to describe someone lacking in courage," said Shizuru, confirming her earlier statement.

"Yeah, I was gonna send the people who wrote 'dictionary' a photo of Natsuki to put under the word but since that whole uptown scenario, it doesn't really apply anymore…"

The girl in question shot her a disbelieving, suspicious look.

"You couldn't find an address could you Nao?"

"Well… No… So me and Chie just settled for selling the Natsuki sing-along video to the network… and Hallmark."

"You and Chie did what?!"

"They were having this international love story competition…"

Natsuki glared at her.

"What the prize was holiday of your choice! And money! … I was gonna give the prizes to you anyway! … Probably…"

"Nao!!!"

Just at that moment, Mai walked in with Mikoto holding the book.

"Well it's official… pusillanimous…"

She stopped once she saw that an irate Natsuki was chasing Nao around the room.

"What's going on? Oh geez, you know what?… nevermind," she said with a sigh. "Right, now the dictionary has to go on the high shelf where Nao won't be bothered to reach. Anyway Kaichou, how come you and Natsuki have chosen to come here so early?"

Shizuru shrugged and looked lovingly at her girlfriend who was busy trying to commit some not-so-random-acts of violence.

"She decided she was hungry… I wanted to take her out for lunch of course, but she mumbled something about green onions, walked me to her bike and here we are."

Mai merely nodded, smiling at Natsuki's determined refusal to eat anything that was remotely good for her… without the added sustenance of a bottle of her mayonnaise.

Shizuru sighed as she broke out into her trademark pose and stared at Natsuki.

"She's so cute don't you think?"

Mai looked over to the girl in question and saw that she had somehow acquired a steel baseball bat from somewhere and continued to chase the redhead around the room.

"Well of course you would think that Kaichou…"

"Hmm?"

"Uh, nothing! Lunch-time everyone!"

"My God… finally!," said a relieved Mikoto who was about to actually risk eating some of Natsuki's mayo.

"Time-out Kuga!," Nao said breathlessly.

Natsuki nodded.

"For the sake of my mayo… time-out it is."

--

AN: Thanks for reading this added extra, mostly written for… no particular reason at all… hope you enjoyed the madness XD


End file.
